When I was a kid, getting a square on the screen meant you were a superstar celebrity on Hollywood Squares or a member of the perfect Brady Bunch family. Nowadays you don’t need a television series. Since Covid 19, all you need is an email address for someone to send you the entry code to a zoom meeting for work.
At first it was kind of exciting to see myself stacked with a cast of celebrities that used to be regular co-workers. How did my lipstick look? Was the camera catching the right angle? Did I smile the entire hour leaning forward with captivated interest? After a while I realized the audience had better things to notice than the way the lighting accentuated the bags under my eyes. My Hollywood square began to feel like a cage at the shelter, and I began to feed myself snacks every fifteen minutes to stay engaged.
Have you gained the Covid 15 like 76% of Americans? Our bodies are living in just an online square and yet trying to accomplish so much, from educating children to shopping, to worship, to selling a home, to going to funerals, to happy hours.
What do you do on zoom? I have a friend who is so comfortable with zoom that he can drive the highways interviewing people or go to the bathroom with only his face on camera. I’m not that gutsy, but it was fun buying some trendy elastic waist jogger pants I call my zoom pants.
Zoom Pants Covid Purse and poem explore the joys and agonies of living online during this quarantine.
Zoom Pants
May 2020
Long time ago
gut bacteria ate Big Macs
but now multi-taskarooni
is the trending casserole.
Even these skinny jeans can’t hold back
this recipe of boredom slathered in frenzy.
Teaching my daughter algebra two
and my son that culture
rhymes with vulture.
Yet I do sit ups and zoom.
I can shop on my phone
for hormone-free chicken
and some Halo Top Keto
Chocolate Cheesecake Ice Cream
while I sell this house
because interest rates are so low
and I will pay
the Organizing Angel to haul
all this stuff bought
at the Amazon mall.
I’ve been waiting for someone
to shut down this world
with a pandemic
so I can finally get skinny
on a walk to the cemetery.
Still I wake up and face is here
saying write this all in your food diary
so future generations will know
where did all the pretty women go?
By Heather Boersma
